I did it again. I do it every night. And every night I try to talk myself out of it. In four brief seconds from the time I close the kids’ bedroom door to the time I round the corner and reach the guest bed, I manage an entire conversation with myself arguing for and against the urge to collapse on the bed.
The conversation goes something like this: “Do NOT lie down on the bed. You have WAY too much to do.” “But I have to. I’m SOOO tired. Who cares anyway? This is ridiculous. Nobody in their right mind would be working these kind of hours.” “You have to get to work. You’ve already outlined tonight’s work for Client X. If you don’t do it tonight, you’ll start out tomorrow behind.” “Client X doesn’t care anyway. What’s one more day?” “Fine, lie down then. Just do it. Then see how you feel.”
And I almost always feel worse. Then I lie there and continue the conversation with myself about which housekeeping chores can wait ‘til tomorrow and which ones I will hate myself for leaving undone. If I am really on top of things, I will have already picked up the living room disaster, cleaned the kitchen, and folded the laundry. But unfortunately, that day would be an exception to the rule.
At just 7:30pm, or sometimes as late as 8:30, I already feel as though I’ve been hit by a train. By the time I get the kids in the bed to stay, I’m too tired to think about anything, much less do anything. So when I see the big white bed calling, I just cannot resist the urge to lie down. It doesn’t help that it is two feet away from the computer desk. I almost always intend to sit down in the desk chair, but I seldom actually make it that far. Two feet is a lot to ask after all that I go through in a day’s time.
But on the average night, I talk myself into getting up, fixing a cup of hot chocolate or tea, and settling down to a nice evening of computer radiation. And I’m always glad I did. The late night work really keeps me going. And indeed the very occasion to choose whether or not I work is a blessing in and of itself. I mean, really. I don’t have to do any of this. My clients don’t mind waiting for me. (If they did, they wouldn’t hire me in the first place.) I could just sit and watch TV if I really wanted to. Or not.
